Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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