i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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