He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
