I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
