i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
