I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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