honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
bring money and cleavage
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
