dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
