im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
