Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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