About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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