Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
