covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
