I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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