There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
