There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
