I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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