Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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