I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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