Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
