he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
