im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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