I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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