Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
