Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
