he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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