So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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