She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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