I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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