I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
