I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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