Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
