Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
