Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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