Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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