Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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