who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
