Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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