i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
