she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
