Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
