He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
