My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
