Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
