i think my tv is drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
