he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize