You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
