then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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