I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
