He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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