did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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