With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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