I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
