She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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