I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
