We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
