Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
