shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize