So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
