i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
