batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
