He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
