Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
