His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm always down for nudity.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
