Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
