His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
