Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
