Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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