Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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