How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
