i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
