Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ttyl tear gas
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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