I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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