I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
