im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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