Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
