does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
