Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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