For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize