I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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