I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
