Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
