this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
