If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
