I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize