Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
