Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
