You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
