New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't turn off my feet"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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